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It is strongly recommended that you include your outline in the body of your essay by using the outline as section titles. The headings below are there to remind you how section and subsection titles are formatted.
I am not “I”
-- By HarryBajwa - 20 Feb 2025
The Office Hours Realization
On Thursday, January 23, 2025, I walked out of Professor Moglen’s office hours with my shirt damp with sweat, not from the temperature of the room but from the weight of the realization that had sunk in. What was meant to be an ordinary office hours visit transformed into one of the most introspective moments of my life. While the other three students asked questions and occupied the available seats, I stood near the door thinking I would not draw too much attention—I was wrong. By simply observing how I stood for almost an hour and asking some questions, Professor Moglen uncovered something I had never truly acknowledged, or perhaps feared to acknowledge: the existence of another version of “Harry.”
The Harry I Knew
The Harry I knew was someone who drew energy from being around others and was a true extrovert at heart. He was ambitious to make a difference in the world, particularly in the sectors of education, healthcare, and technology, using a lawyer’s skillset as a tool to create the impact he sought. He saw himself as someone who freely pursued his passions, such as his interest in early childhood education pedagogy, by completing a certificate in Early Years Education while simultaneously earning his Bachelor of Commerce degree. Sports brought him joy, with field hockey being one of his most cherished activities. Harry played for Canada’s Junior National Field Hockey Team and aspired to compete at the Olympics, but he ultimately decided to step away from the sport to focus on academics and other extracurricular activities. This Harry was a genuinely happy person with an infectiously optimistic outlook on the world.
The Harry I Uncovered
When it was my turn to speak during office hours, I first asked about how to cultivate courage. Then, the topic shifted to my interests, and I shared that one of my interests was technology and how I reconciled that with deciding to be in law school. When Professor Moglen inquired about my family's roots, I answered, "India," but he asked for a more specific answer, and I was not sure why that was relevant. I replied with, “Punjab,” the state where my parents were raised. It was at that moment I sensed he had figured something out. The next comment completely surprised me, as he asked if there was family tragedy due to the substance crises in Punjab. He was spot on. In both my mother’s and father’s immediate families, alcohol had been responsible for the loss of many loved ones. It is why I never met my grandfathers and many uncles. I have never once tasted alcohol in my life, and in that moment, I realized why, along with other unsettling insights which Professor Moglen uncovered in front of me.
In that moment, it was clear that growing up with stories of tragedy and deaths in my family due to alcohol not only kept me away from ever tasting a drop of it, but it also ingrained a cautious, risk-aversive nature in me that I had never acknowledged. Hearing these tragic stories instilled a sense of fear, which I now realize has carried into other aspects of my life. Until this office hours session, I could not figure out why I had no desire for alcohol, despite growing up in an environment where it was readily available. In hindsight, this realization was right in front of me, yet I failed to make it. Perhaps this blind spot reveals something deeper about my own nature, particularly failing to acknowledge there may be another version of Harry that has some fear and is not entirely who he thinks he is. This subtle undertone of risk aversion, being pulled towards the more certain path, was probably the reason I stepped away from field hockey; it was not out of a desire to focus entirely on academics and other extracurriculars, but a deep-rooted fear that I might not make the Olympic team even if I gave it my all. Maybe this is why I came to law school, to have a stable path and build a reliable foundation that I could utilize no matter where life took me. This newly uncovered Harry may not be as deeply optimistic as he thought he was.
During this conversation and as these realizations sunk in, I stood absolutely still, as Professor Moglen pointed out. Before this, I was constantly shifting weight from one foot to another, alternating my jacket between hands. It was as if, by uncovering this hidden version of Harry, I no longer had to struggle for balance, standing face to face with a side of myself I had never dared to see.
The Harry I Seek to Be
I am grateful and excited to have discovered the Harry I had long overlooked, as I believe that is the first step to understanding myself and creating the person I aspire to be. Since that office hours session, this newfound awareness has brought clarity to my life, enabling me to understand the influences that shape and drive me. While these insights into myself were eye-opening, what was just as, if not more, fascinating was how they were uncovered by Professor Moglen. Just as Professor Moglen was able to sense the other Harry, I strive to cultivate the insight and skill to see the hidden dimensions of others, beyond the version they accept and present to the world. The realization that I am not “I” and that people are more than the identities they present and believe will influence how I redefine myself and navigate the world.
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