Becoming The Lawyer I Want To Be: A Reflection on Purpose and Integrity

By Hayden Smith

Heading into my final year at Columbia Law, I planned to return to Big Law after graduation. The path felt safe. It was financially secure, prestigious, and familiar. I told myself that it provided the best option to pay down my loans and keep doors open. However, during this past year, especially in light of recent political developments, including the Trump administration scandal involving Mayor Eric Adams, I started feeling uneasy about the idea of practicing law in service of institutions I don’t fully believe in. See Scott McFarlane? , et al., Prosecutors File Motion to Drop Corruption Charges Against NYC Mayor Eric Adams, CBS NEWS (updated Feb. 15, 2025, 9:31 PM EST), https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/nyc-mayor-eric-adams-motion-to-drop-charges/. And by my fifth or so week into this course, I began asking myself: if the rule of law is under attack, do I want to sit on the sidelines, or do I want to be where I can make a difference?

That question stayed with me. The erosion of democratic institutions, growing attacks on the prosecutor’s independence, and attempts to evade legal accountability have made it clear that something more is being asked of lawyers in this moment. As I reflect on my values and experiences, I believe that my role lies outside of Big Law.

This shift was not driven by a single event. Rather, it built slowly—from internships, clerkships, and conversations to the current extortion targeting the nation’s largest law firms. I had the privilege of working for judges on both the Sixth and Second Circuits, and I witnessed firsthand what principled legal reasoning looks like. Conversely, I have seen what happens when political figures try to subvert those principles. When news broke that prosecutors resigned from the Southern District of New York after being pressured to drop charges against a high-profile elected official, it hit me harder than I expected. See id. Maybe it is because I worked there, maybe because I revere the integrity of that office, or maybe because it made the stakes of this moment feel personal.

Regardless of the reason, I began to question what I was chasing. Was I chasing prestige for prestige’s sake? Was I choosing a career that looked good on paper, but did not align with my values? The honest answer is yes.

Of course, there is no neat answer to these questions, and I still have my doubts. There is a version of this story where I say: “I am called to public interest work out of moral clarity and unwavering purpose.” However, that would not be true to how most of us make decisions.

The truth is messier. I’m drawn to public interest work because I want to fight for something bigger than myself. But I am also scared. Public interest law does not come with the same safety net. It means making less money. It might mean slower professional advancement. And it definitely means facing uphill battles, both legally and politically. But at some point, I had to ask myself what kind of lawyer I want to be—not just what kind of job I want to have. That question became harder to ignore as I watched the nation’s largest law firms succumb to extortion by Trump, ultimately paying to avoid scrutiny. See Ali Banco, Titans of Big Law Cut Deal with Trump, POLITICO (Apr. 11, 2025, 2:56 PM EST), https://www.politico.com/news/2025/04/11/trump-big-law-deals-033630.

I want to be the kind of lawyer who is trusted to do hard things for the right reasons, who shows up when institutions falter, and who uses their training to protect the vulnerable, challenge power, and stand up for democratic principles—even when it’s inconvenient.

In seeking post-graduation opportunities, I have been applying to public interest fellowships, government oversight roles, and advocacy groups that focus on civil rights and anti-corruption. I am interested in working with a state attorney general, serving on a congressional oversight committee, or joining an organization like the ACLU that’s willing to litigate against this administration. But I am also trying to remain open. There are many ways to do this work, and I know that careers rarely follow a linear path. What matters most is finding a place where I can use the skills I’ve worked to develop—legal research, writing, litigation strategy—to serve the public and protect our democracy.

Legal training can be a shield or a sword. It can be used to justify unjust power or to fight against it. I take that responsibility seriously. And as I continue to think about my future, I keep coming back to the question that I first asked in my personal statement to law school: what does it mean to be a lawyer?

When I applied to law school, I wrote about wanting to help restore public trust in the legal system. Back then, I didn’t fully grasp how hard that work would be—or how many compromises and competing pressures I would face. Nevertheless, I still believe that work is worth doing. So, here is where I am now: not certain but committed; not done figuring it all out, but ready to step into the next chapter with a clearer sense of purpose than when I arrived at Columbia last year.

I am not choosing public interest law because I have all the answers. I choose it because I believe the questions we now face as a country demand lawyers who are willing to engage. This includes lawyers who are willing to speak up when norms are violated and lawyers who believe that the rule of law only matters if we defend it—not just when it is easy, but specifically when it is hard. That is the kind of lawyer I hope to become.

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