You still need to cut down your 2 intro sections.

It seems partially like proportionality = utilitarianism from reading this. But i don't think thats the point you're trying to make. I'm still not getting a good understanding of proportionality but as we discussed it seems the literature is fuzzy on the definition as well.

Overall, it seems like you've bitten off more than you can chew in this size piece. You discuss the huge prison population, how the moral panic/outrage cycle causes it, how proportionality can fix it, what proportionality is, the consequences of proportionality fixing it. You would probably be able to write 1000 words on any of these and, like in my paper, you need to choose which of these topics is most important to you to discuss and cut out a couple of the others. This will allow you the room to explore the topics you choose to discuss in depth. I know i told you before to explain what proportionality is, but it seems almost as unclear and you have a big paragraph to show for it. On a personal stylistic note, I prefer short paragraphs cause it keeps the reader from getting lost in the paragraph and forces you to write topic sentences, making your point clear. This is the equivalent of a 2-3 page single spaced paper and you have 10 paragraphs. That seems too little.

-- JulianBaez - 04 Apr 2008

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