Law in Contemporary Society

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RorySkaggsFirstPaper 9 - 06 Apr 2010 - Main.EbenMoglen
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 "Humans are more important than animals." Ok, fine. Let's worry about how animals affect us then. See above. "We have more important problems to deal with than animals." That doesn't make it not a problem. So for the few who choose to solve it, we might try to appreciate their work. "Who cares about animals, what's the big deal? You people are crazy." The 'crazy' probably comes from disagreeing with some organization's tactics, but strategies to solve a problem are different than the necessity to do so. The facts laid out above are not meant to change anybody's habits or make them support a cause. This is no appeal to the 'thinking man,' and anyways a single video on an animal groups' website is probably infinitely more effective than all the facts in the world. The point is that our relationships with animals have widespread effects which cannot be ignored by everyone, and we should think twice before we write off those who choose to see-- they might just be doing us all a favor.
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It seems to me that this essay takes a good starting point and stretches it thin. Your thesis can be put in a sentence: human concern for animal welfare is an ecological matter, involving not just particular organisms, but the welfare of all interconnected living things, including people. That's a premise, and the point of the essay ought not to be to prove it, or indeed to argue for it, but rather to show where it leads. Those who incline to dispute the premise may be interested, or even convinced by the consequences. But instead of developing the idea, to bring new and more adventurous ideas forth from it, you descend from it, and in the end wind up with a conclusion that could be put at two sentences distance from the thesis without loss of meaning. In revision, you should push the argument outward, away from the premise and towards new horizons, rather than towards the smallest objections you can find to vanquish.
 
 
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Revision 9r9 - 06 Apr 2010 - 02:31:27 - EbenMoglen
Revision 8r8 - 01 Apr 2010 - 00:44:05 - RorySkaggs
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