The Invisible Fist

Introduction

When I look back at my first attempt at this paper, I see a great deal of anxiety. I was frightened of being pressured to choose a career I would regret. However, rather than try to address this fear, I wanted to argue that the marketplace, through the invisible fist, was forcing me to choose between poverty and misery. I think it was easier to blame the world for causing my anxiety than it was to accept that I was the true source of it.

A Little Background

Growing up, there were several adults I was close to (a parent and a grandparent) who did not enjoy their careers. They were relatively happy people, but their happiness was very much "in spite of" rather than "because of" their work. I knew I didn't want to be like that. I promised myself throughout high school that I would try not to fall into the trap of engaging in a career that, while perhaps lucrative, would result in me being someone who could only like my life “despite my job.” So I went to college as a Latin major because I found the subject interesting, and didn't care when people said it wouldn't be "useful."

But things change, and during my junior year I started to get nervous about what I was going to do on the other side of graduation. So I decided to give my resume to some of the banks that were coming to campus to interview for summer positions. According to many of my friends, these institutions were the greatest things in the world. If you worked there for the summer, and didn't screw up, you would be given an offer for full time employment after graduation. From there, a lifetime of making tons of money awaited you. So I went to some interviews even though I still had no idea what these institutions actually did, and got a summer job. It was not an enjoyable summer. I don't think I'm a lazy person, but I just can't be happy working around the clock on things I neither care about nor understand. One night at 4:30AM I promised myself that after my ten weeks was up I was saying goodbye to the investment banking world.

But things change, and once I was back on campus with a job offer in hand, it was easy to break that promise. I didn't have any ideas about what other kind of jobs to pursue and nothing seemed as if it would be so lucrative in the short term. Most importantly, I really liked being the "guy with the impressive job." I was worried about going back to something I hated, but felt it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. That last sentence seems like a blatant contradiction, but it is the best description of my thought process at the time.

But things change, and the bank found itself the victim of an impressive collapse while I was on Spring Break. Somewhat relieved, I got a job at an anti-hunger organization, and spent a year working a job that I really enjoyed. But, I didn’t think it was what I wanted to do forever (I wasn’t using my brain a whole lot), so I applied to law school.

I really believed that I wouldn't again feel the same types of pressures that had led me to make a mistake a few years ago. However, law school has reintroduced those same forces into my life. I am paying a lot of money to get a law degree. Even amidst the recession, it seems there are a decent supply of high-paying jobs available for graduates. A lot of people say they are not the most enjoyable jobs, and some of them sound suspiciously like the job I hated, but it's hard to turn something down which seems to make so much financial sense. However, financial concerns are not truly what pushes me towards a reluctant embrace of the law firm, and I feel that money is not what's motivating most other people either. There is a strong sense at Columbia that a job at a "good" law firm is the mark of a "good" lawyer. Most of our professors (even Eben) spent some time working at one of these "good" firms, as did most speakers who come to the school to give talks over lunch. It almost seems like a badge of failure not to do so. And, it will impress people. I wish I didn't care about that kind of thing, but I do. So, I find myself back in the same place that I was a few years ago: feeling that a bad opportunity is too good to pass up.

The Invisible Fist?

There are some external forces that put me where I am. The expense of a legal education creates a genuine concern about money. Also, if law firms didn't pay such high salaries, the choice would be easier. And, most relevantly, if virtually everyone in the legal world didn't place such a high premium on having a job at a "good" firm, most of the non-monetary pressure would be alleviated. However, blaming my situation on all these forces is neither honest nor productive. From a financial standpoint, I can certainly get by without the law firm salary. With regards to the non-financial factors, I can only blame myself if I care so much about things like "prestige" that I do something I know to be a mistake. Moreover, if I let these forces motivate my decisions, I will have a lifetime of poor decisions to look forward to. In short, there may be an invisible fist, and it is quite strong, but it's mostly in my own head. I hope I can learn to ignore it.